NFL Rock N Roll

Paul Stanley, Eric Singer, Gene Simmons, Tommy Thaye

(Junior Makhno)

With the close of Week 4 and the start of Week 5, the first quarter of the season is firmly in the books. Enough time has lapsed that we can begin to see what each team is really about. Trends are forming and the early part of Divisional races are beginning. So with that said, I now will combine two of my loves: Football and Music.

Here’s a list of each team matched to a song that I believe epitomizes what their season consists of so far. Enjoy! (Note: No, they’re not perfect analogies, nor does every song fit the “Rock N Roll” theme, but I did my best. Also, I plan on doing this again after Week 8, if you have suggestions for songs you think would fit your team, feel free to send them to me on Twitter any time between now and then @beardownbureau)


AFC West:

Team: Denver Broncos

Song: God Gave Rock and Roll to You – KISS

Description: Its not often that you see a future HOF QB hit free agency. It was simply an auspicious set of circumstances that allowed for Manning to dawn the Orange and Blue. In his second season as a Bronco, Manning has made us all forget how much risk there was involved in the signing and has so far established Denver as the team to beat in the NFL. He’s lifted their hopes higher than their citizens.



Team: Kansas City Chiefs

Song: Carry on Wayward Son – Kansas

Description: It was hard to imagine what the Chiefs would look like bringing in Andy Reid from Philly and Alex Smith from SF. They both could respectively be considered “wayward sons” of their former teams, and they’ve both set out to prove said teams wrong about them. Up to this point, they have done just that.



Team: San Diego Chargers

Song: Striptease – Hinder

Description: San Diego has had some flashy components for years now. Rivers has had his ups and downs, but even with Norv Turner gone, he’s still finding ways to disappoint. At some point, they become the NFL equivalent of a striptease. We have yet to see if they can turn things around and actually become competitors this year.



Team: Oakland Raiders

Song: Break Stuff – Limp Bizkit

Description: The song opens with: “Its just one of those days/ when you don’t wanna wake up/ Everything is F***d/everybody sucks/you don’t really know why/ but you wanna justify/ ripping someone’s head off” I can’t think of a more perfect way to describe this team.



AFC East

Team: New England Patriots

Song: Kick in the Teeth – Papa Roach

Description: Whether the Aaron Hernandez’ fiasco, letting Welker walk to Denver, or Gronkowski’s injury status, the Patriots have sure taken a “Kick in the Teeth” but have managed to survive it and still look like one of the better AFC Teams. Should be interesting to follow them for the rest of this season.



Team: Miami Dolphins

Song: Don’t You (Forget About Me) – Billy Idol

Description: Not the flashiest of teams, but with a 3-1 record, losing only to the 4-0 Saints, they have a lot of good things going for them. They’re a team to keep an eye on.



Team: Buffalo Bills

Song: I Hate Myself for Loving You – Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

Description: One thing about Bills fans, they can sure stick it out though years of misery. They might hate themselves for it, but no one doubts their love for their city or their sports teams.



Team: New York Jets

Song: Baby Got Back – Sir Mix-A-Lot

Description: If the Rex Ryan era had a logo, it would be of the infamous buttfumble. Things don’t seem to be changing any time soon, regardless of their record.



AFC North:

Team: Baltimore Ravens

Song: Quoth the Raven – Eluveitie

Description: Picked wholly because of the name, but also because it’s a kick-ass song with an allusion to the same Edgar Allan Poe poem that the Ravens derive their name from. If you’re a fan of Metal, give it a listen!



Team: Cincinnati Bengals

Song: Welcome to the Jungle – Guns N Roses

Description: It hasn’t always been pretty, and its tough to get a real feel for what this team is just yet. They show so much promise with talent all over the board, but they also are privy to miscues that come by the dozen. Sharing a record with 2 other Divisional rivals, the entire AFC North seems like a jungle this year.



Team: Cleveland Browns

Song: Down and Out – Tantric

Description: The Richardson trade caused fans league wide to assume the Browns were waving the white flag and competing for the 1st Overall Pick. They’re 3-0 since then. The selling line of the Chorus that made me think of the Browns was this: “Just when you think that you’re down and out/Don’t preconceive what I’m all about” I think Rob Chudzinski has done a fantastic job with a team that had few expectations. I doubt they have enough talent on the offensive side of the ball to make much noise, but they have shown a determination to play hard in spite of the odds stacked against them.



Team: Pittsburgh Steelers
Song: Every Trace – The Dreaming

Description: The song talks of erasing “every trace” from a past relationship. The Steelers seem to be erasing “every trace” of a team that holds such a prolific history, including most Superbowl titles of any team. Sitting at 0-4 they’ve obviously transitioned from what they once were into something without an identity or prayer.



AFC South

Team: Indianapolis Colts

Song: Video Killed the Radio Star – The Buggles

Description: This song cleverly talks about a transition in time with a fun and catchy tune. Much in the same way, Andrew Luck has taken the transition the Colts are going through Post-Manning, on his shoulders and has ran with it. His rookie season was impressive and he looks to have picked up right where he left off.



Team: Tennessee Titans

Song: That’s When Your Heartaches Begin – Elvis Presley

Description: I went with Elvis here as Music City deserves nothing less than a legend in Music to describe them. Jake Locker seemed to have turned a page for the better this year, and for that reason wanted to land this on a positive note, however, the injury he took makes the season look set to be another heartbreak for the Titans.



Team: Houston Texans

Song: Blood – In this Moment

Description: One look at that image of J.J. Watt and anything with the word “blood” in it seems more than appropriate. He also will probably the reason for a “blood rule” come next offseason.



Team: Jacksonville Jaguars

Song: London Calling – The Clash

Description: No matter how many times Shahid Khan denies wanting to move, as long as Goodell is pursing an International League and the Jaguars are performing as awful as they have, London is calling.



NFC West:


Team: Seattle Seahawks

Song: Blame it on the BOOM BOOM – Black Stone Cherry

Description: The hard-hitting team with the loudest fans in the league, make this an easy choice. As the team to beat in the NFC, the Seahawks are as wild and upbeat as ever and they certainly can bring a boom.



Team: San Francisco 49ers

Song: Headstrong – Trapt

Description: What once looked as serious contenders for another Superbowl run, now looks like a team with multiple issues on multiple fronts. Nevertheless, they’re still in contention and still have plenty of talent to right the ship. Even if Harbaugh can be a bit “headstrong” sometimes.



Team: Arizona Cardinals

Song: Somebody to Love – Queen

Description: The past few years have been pretty miserable if you’re a Cardinals fan. In spite of having some exceptional talent on their roster, they are performing as a team at a below average level. They’re still looking for somebody who can take them to the next level and into serious contention. Or in other words “Somebody to Love.”



Team: St. Louis Rams

Song: She Hates Me – Puddle of Mudd

Description: The RG3 trade (Or 2nd overall pick, if you want to be technical about it) was probably the biggest mistake the Rams have made in the past decade. Three 1st Round Picks look promising, but Sam Bradford does not. The Front Office must hate their fans, that’s the only explanation I can think of.



NFC East:

Team: Dallas Cowboys

Song: Breaking the Same Old Ground – Marilyn Manson

Description: If there’s one team that’s predictable in the NFC East, it’s the Dallas Cowboys. Fans keep hoping for better results, but Jerry Jones seems to enjoy keeping the status quo of mediocrity.



Team: Philadelphia Eagles

Song: Too Fast For Love – Motley Crue

Description: Chip Kelly’s fast-paced offense had a short-lived success rate. While it was a novelty in week 1, it doesn’t seem like it has a chance of being more than that. Maybe he can find a way to adapt the concept into a system that is more sustainable at the NFL level. He will have to if he plans on staying around for awhile.



Team: Washington Redskins

Song: Livin’ on a Prayer – Bon Jovi

Description: Sitting at 1-3 the Redskins have their work cut out for them to get back into the race for the Division. However, if there is one Division kind enough to allow a 1-3 team back into the race, it’s the NFC East. For now, they’re living on a prayer.



Team: New York Giants

Song: Look What the Cat Dragged In – Poison

Description: The complete lack of discipline and awful Football demonstrated by a team with a 2 time Superbowl MVP QB on it, is beyond words. There’s not much more you can say about it.



NFC North:

Team: Detroit Lions

Song: Smooth Criminal – Michael Jackson

Description: “Smooth” isn’t often a word associated with the Lions but “criminal” definitely is. However, sitting at 3-1, including a 2-0 lead in the Division, along with the addition of Reggie Bush, the Lions are off to a great start . If they can turn back the mistakes and play up to the level of talent they have on their roster, they can make a serious playoff bid this year.



Team: Chicago Bears

Song: Comeback – Redlight King

Description: In spite of losing to the Lions last Week, the Bears have shown a remarkable ability to hang in games that have seemingly gotten out of hand. With already 2 comeback wins to boot, Marc Trestman and the Bears are off to a great start, and looking to rebound from that debacle in Detroit.



Team: Green Bay Packers

Song: Living on the Edge – Aerosmith

Description: Losing to both San Francisco and Cincinnati, the Packers have not gotten off to a very great start. The injuries keep piling up and in the meantime, have dropped to a 1-2 record with two Division Rivals ahead of them. They’re far from being out of contention yet, but they’re certainly “living on the edge.”



Team: Minnesota Vikings

Song: Crash – Cavo

Description: The impressive and unlikely playoff run last year, seems like miles away from reality this year. The team has imploded on itself in predictable fashion. Now they’re left to hope Matt Cassel can turn things around…



NFC South

Team: New Orleans Saints

Song: Saints of Los Angeles – Motley Crue

Description: They might not be from LA, but they’ve certainly regained their championship caliber level of play. Sitting at 4-0 Sean Payton and Drew Brees have their team sitting in full control of their Division.



Team: Carolina Panthers

Song: Bringing Down the Giant – Saving Abel

Description: It may have just been one game, but it was nice to see some fight from the Panthers who had previously looked like they were playing dead. Coming off a bye-week, maybe they can put up a repeat performance.



Team: Atlanta Falcons

Song: Far From Home – Five Finger Death Punch

Description: Falling to 1-3 this season may have been the most unexpected drop off in performance for any team this year. Many of the same faces are still around, but they look far from the team who was just shy of a Superbowl appearance last year.



Team: Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Song: Bloodstained Hollywood Ending – Blindside

Description: The biggest thing to talk about for the Bucs, is a QB who’s no longer even on their team. Its very much a semblance of something out of Hollywood. Schiano is working his way out of a job too.


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John Moser

I love sports and writing about them, specifically the NFL. Life long Chicago Bears fan.
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2 Responses to NFL Rock N Roll

  1. LOVE this article! Love love love. If the Browns hadn’t gone 3-0 since we traded T-Rich, I’d have suggested “The River” by Bruce Springsteen. Maybe now we could go with “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi?

    • Avatar of John Moser John Moser says:

      Living on a Prayer was a viable one for them, until they won and took an early lead in the Division, so I had to designate that to the Redskins, as I thought it more fitting. Thanks for the comments, glad you enjoyed it!

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